While the Pickens Sheriff’s office and Jasper Police have been on our front page recently for cracking burglary cases and getting potential pedophiles off the street - and generally doing an excellent job of keeping us safe - the issue they deal with constantly is something that affects so many of our friends and neighbors on a daily basis.
Hands down, domestic abuse is the number one problem that local law enforcement deals with day in and day out, according to sheriff officials. One in three women and one in four men have been victims of some form of physical violence by an intimate partner within their lifetime, according to the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence (NCADV).
Domestic violence, relationship abuse, sexual harassment and the whole range of issues we label as gender violence have long been seen as women’s issues. But in reality, these are men’s issues. For too long domestic abuse has been seen as women’s issues that some good men help out with. But we don’t accept that. These are men’s issues first and foremost.
Many who work in the domestic and sexual violence field know that victim-blaming is pervasive, blaming the person to whom something was done rather than the person who did it. Too often, a woman is hurt by her partner and we say things like: Why do they go out with these men? Why are they attracted to them? Why do they keep going back?
In his Ted talk about domestic violence, Jackson Katz, co-founder of Mentors in Violence Prevention, said the whole idea of victim blaming is based in our unconscious. “Our whole cognitive structure is set up to ask questions about women and women’s choices and what they’re doing, thinking, wearing.”
But, he points out, asking questions about women who are abused is not going to get us anywhere in terms of preventing violence.”
Katz says we need to ask a different set of questions - questions about men. • Why do men beat women?
• Why does domestic abuse remain a big problem in the U.S. and all over the world?
• Why do so many men physically, emotionally and verbally abuse the people they claim to love?
• What’s going on in our religious hierarchies, the sports culture, the family structure, and economics that contribute to this type of man? Katz suggests it isn’t about individual perpetrators but our society as a whole.
Once we move away from victim-blaming and shaming and move on to the question of how we can change the socialization of boys and the definitions of manhood that lead to violence is when we can start to truly affect change.
According to the NCADV, on average, nearly 20 people per minute are physically abused by an intimate partner in the United States. During one year, this equates to more than 10 million women and men. On a typical day, there are more than 20,000 phone calls placed to domestic violence hotlines nationwide. Women between the ages of 18-24 are most commonly abused by an intimate partner.
In 2013 in Georgia, 29,779 victims were served by Georgia domestic violence services and Georgia ranks 9th in the nation for the rate at which women are killed by men.
Stopping this problem needs to come from non-abusive men. At the very core of society is our interpersonal relationships and when men who know better remain silent in the face of abusive comments at their game nights or wing nights they are being complicit in saying it’s ok. It is not ok.
When you’re hanging out with your buddies and someone says something degrading about women, interrupt and let them know it’s not funny and won’t be supported. Create a peer culture where it’s unacceptable. We should strive for a society where men and boys who act out in sexist ways will lose status as a result of their behavior.
Katz reminds us of Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.’s quote: “In the end what will hurt the most is not the words of our enemies but the silence of our friends.”
We need men who will not be silent.
By Dan Pool
I was recently talking with a friend who runs a local organization. He had missed a good business opportunity and was pretty disappointed he “didn’t hear about it.”
He would have gone, should have gone and knew he’d let a unique chance to benefit him financially slip by.
We had run a decent sized advertisement for the event the week it occurred, but only one week. There was little advance notice it was coming. A lot of people did attend; clearly the ad drew a respectable crowd.
My friend said, he “didn’t hear about it” and that is one of the main reasons I encourage everyone to read our newspaper. Allow us this one week to pitch our product, we assure you this editorial spot won’t become a forum for self-promotion.
With newspapers getting a bad rap nationally in the current political environment and more people saying they just look online for news, we want to point out there is information presented in our pages each week that you won’t find anywhere else and that will benefit you as a resident of Pickens County. Certainly there is nowhere else you will find it all grouped together and available for the price of a soft drink.
Even for people thoroughly unconcerned about news; perhaps they have recently moved here, don’t know anyone and don’t want to get involved, we still guarantee there is something you can use in our pages.
Aside from the stories our reporters dig up to give you added insight each week on taxes, government, crimes and generally interesting neighbors who call Pickens home, we provide a clearinghouse of local events, offers and opportunities.
For example, in the last edition alone and not counting the front page or breaking news, we had stories and ads letting people know:
• When Congressman Tom Graves will have staff in Pickens to help constituents;
• When Wayside Animal Clinic offers pet dental cleanings and special deals on spays and neuters;
• When the local theater is presenting a Shakespeare play;
• The days and times the local AARP offers free tax preparation help;
• When the library is hosting a technology help session;
• That Angel Babies is offering a buy-one-get-one-free for children’s winter coats;
• Numerous groups each week list support meetings for everything from losing weight to alcoholism. Many other non-profit groups ask for volunteers each week;
• Public notices each week let you know about property up for rezoning and other government action. You can also find in our legal notices about businesses openings and, unfortunately, properties in foreclosure.
• You can find an estate auction ad featuring heavy equipment and shop equipment.
• You can find out about a square dancing group that meets regularly.
• On our sports page you would see information about a baseball program forming that your kids or grandkids may be interested in.
• If you are needy, our pages last week would let you know that Talking Rock Baptist Church offers free food.
• Another church is offering a Valentine Sweet Treat with a guest speaker and childcare.
• Our want ads in the back show that someone is selling a tractor and someone is offering a unique sewing machine, plus someone lost a blind cat and there are a slew of jobs open here.
These bits of information above are the bread and butter of all community newspapers – letting you know what is going on. And if none of those appealed to you, there was a lot more and they change every week.
Even if it’s not the big story, if it’s about your street or your neighbor, you’ll want to see it and with more than 110 years in operation, you can trust the Progress. No fake news here, keeping it real for more than a century.
I would like to ask you to point out to any non-Progress reading friends that they will miss out if they wait to “hear about something.” The knowledge you can only find in our pages is well worth the 75 cents we charge every week.
By Angela Reinhardt
While I was home sick one day last week I got around to watching a documentary I’ve had in my queue since it was released in September - “Audrie & Daisy,” a Netflix original about teen sex abuse, social media and cyber bullying. As the opening credits rolled I realized this wasn’t the best film to perk up my spirits, but I kept watching anyway.
The documentary follows the two stories of Audrie Pott and Daisy Coleman, teen girls from different parts of the country who were sexually assaulted and harassed online and in person by classmates. Explicit photos of the girls taken while they were drunk to the point of unconsciousness circulated in their respective schools. Nasty comments were posted on social media, especially for Daisy after charges were filed against her assaulters. This public shaming - which is done just as much by girls as boys – led Audrie, 15, to take her life and sent Daisy, 14 at the time, into a spiral of depressive, self-destructive behavior. She tried to kill herself several times.
The sheriff of Daisy’s small town in Missouri made the situation worse; he defended the guys who abused her –– older teens, one of which was a star football player and the grandson of a former state representative. Like a lot of victim-shamers he talks about women as attention seekers; how these boys, the “alleged” rapists, were trying to move on with their lives, implying Daisy wasn’t by dragging out a court case. The charges were dropped, but after public outcry that included the group Anonymous, the case was reopened and the main suspect sentenced to two years probation - a slap on the wrist.
The film makes it all too clear that this kind of sexual abuse and bullying doesn’t only happen in college, but to kids in high school and even middle school, and can be tragically exacerbated by social media. A friend of Audrie, the girl who killed herself, talks about boys asking the most “developed” girls to text them naked pics in middle school.
I understand that sexuality starts to blossom during teen years, which is natural, but our girls are way too sexualized way too soon. They’re almost groomed for it. After I finished “Audrie & Daisy,” a documentary about the legal teen amateur porn industry popped up as a suggestion and I watched it, too. Apparently there’s an overwhelming demand; the word “teen” is the most popular word search on porn sites.
Nancy Jo Sales points out in a Time article Social Media and the Secret Life of Teens: “Accompanying the boom in selfie culture is a rise in competitive spirit, as well as a disturbing trend of sexualization. Likes, hearts, swipes — validation is only a tap away. And one of the easiest ways to get that validation is by looking hot. Sex sells, whether you’re 13 or 35.”
In a different article she says she spoke to girls who said, “’Social media is destroying our lives, but we can’t go off it, because then we’d have no life.’”
We’ve all got friends who say things on Facebook, Twitter or Instagram that they’d never say to anyone’s face, which makes those forums frightening when it comes to our hormone-driven teens. Bullies are emboldened because they can hide behind their computer; they can be anonymous; explicit images can go viral; and there can be serious legal consequences if things go wrong.
By the end of the afternoon I was left speechless, with a punched-in-the-gut feeling thinking about my kids – an eight-year-old girl and 10-year-old boy – and the challenges ahead. I have a newfound resolve to talk to my daughter about how to respect herself, and just as important a resolve to talk to my son about how to be a respectable man. Just like Daisy’s brother had written above his workout station, “Monsters aren’t born, they’re made.”
Social media isn’t going away, and as “Audrie & Daisy” shows it can be a vehicle for positive change, connection and healing – but in the words of musician Tori Amos who wrote a song for the documentary, we need to teach our kids emotional intelligence along with tech skills so they can “protect themselves and not hurt each other, and to realize how they’re hurting each other.”
We would like to respectfully ask all people using bombastic arguments, making junk up, and generally being disrespectful to people who think differently on social media and in person to please give it a rest -- at least for a little while.
Let’s just chill out and watch what happens with our new president. Enjoy some post-season football. Yes, you do have freedom of speech to protest or gloat, to celebrate or bemoan, and we fully support that. However, this constant back and forth is not conducive for a democracy especially when the effects of Donald Trump’s policies aren’t known by anyone at this point because they haven’t happened.
Mr. Trump was elected and with that he gets a chance to institute his platform. Policy changes are certainly fair game for criticism, but continual rants on the election, either condemning or supporting, are a waste of time at this point.
As a country, we are being torn apart over trivial matters like whether or not Obama or Trump drew more people to their inauguration, as though it’s a middle school birthday party. The size of the inauguration has no bearing on the shape of the country.
Where all the vitriol is the most out-of-hand is social media – safe on your phone/computer it’s truth and facts be damned, say what you want and as nastily as possible. You can easily scroll your friends’ posts and find someone who is deeply insulted and others who are highly insulting and it’s beginning to show that these posts are having real-world consequences, ending friendships and working relationships.
Diehard SEC football fans know there is a limit to what you can say to fans in other colors leaving a game. Heck, you gotta play them again next year. Whether you win or lose or had a few too many at the tailgate, there is a threshold that sportsmanship dictates.
Surely we can reach that level with our comments on the election. Or maybe not. Perhaps that is why numerous warnings say to avoid discussion of politics and religion, never sports and television.
Regardless, the Trump presidency hasn’t even gotten off the ground yet, and whether you view this as the first step to making America great again or a diabolical plot, give it some time. You may be surprised.
Yes, those who wanted an outsider in the White House were victorious. And yes, many people from numerous groups are very upset. End of story. No further arguing will change this stalemate of opinion. Nobody is going to convince anyone they voted the wrong way – except, appropriately enough, Donald Trump himself.
For people on both sides, let’s give Mr. Trump and his administration time to do what he was elected to do -- shake things up and bring about changes. Ultimately, it will not be a secret if he does a good job or not, and it won’t depend on your Facebook post for everyone to know if America is great again or not.
If, at the end of his term, we are satisfied with our healthcare, seen new jobs open up, feel safer abroad and at home, then let loose with some “I told you so’s” and a few “Well, I was wrong’s.” If on the other hand, we are no better off, then we can vote for someone else. That is why we have elections every four years.
Actor Tom Hanks expressed this wait and see approach very well last week, “I hope the president-elect does such a great job that I vote for his re-election in four years.”
We do too.
On December 17, an enraged driver fired into a car occupied by a set of Pickens grandparents who had a grandchild in the back. Apparently they had pulled out in front of the other vehicle.
On that same day a Little Rock, Ark. man shot at a vehicle, killing a 3-year-old in the backseat. The child bled to death in the car driven by his grandmother.
A few days later, Google shows that two Orlando men were wounded when some driving infraction led another motorist to follow them and open fire.
The incident with the Pickens couple is not the first here. On December 28, 2015, a wanted felon shot out the back window of a car driven by a Jasper woman with a pellet-pistol as she was driving too slowly for him during a torrential downpour.
In July of 2015 a wild scene unfolded at our RaceTrac when a driver circled the pumps shooting at another car which had a infant inside, because he didn’t like the way they were driving. At least two other basic road rage stories were found in our files.
Nationally, statistics show road rage cases are increasing, though few sources differentiate between those with shots fired and others such as ramming a vehicle or a simple fist-fight. In an article copyrighted 2016, SafeMotorist.com found that over a seven-year period, 218 murders and 12,610 injuries were attributed to road rage.
The National Highway Traffic Safety Administration recorded fewer than 50 road rage cases in 2004. That number grew to almost 250 cases in 2014.
Experts say it’s hard to know exactly what goes on in the mind of someone so angry they try to harm another motorist.
Local counselor Robin Dunn said those who commit road rage are often either not emotionally mature or are actually sociopathic. He said the emotionally immature may feel they have been disrespected and need to “teach you a lesson,” which can range from basic obscene gestures to violence.
The road rage cases by drivers with antisocial or sociopathic tendencies are much more dangerous as they intend to injure the person who angered them.
Dunn said especially for the sociopathic road rage cases, fear of punishment or concerns of injuring innocent bystanders wouldn’t be a factor in their thinking, and thus not a deterrent.
If you are on the receiving end of an irate driver, let them go on down the road if possible. But if you do end up in an encounter, particularly with someone who is clearly irrational, trying to talk to them won’t work, Dunn cautioned. Don’t roll down your window or get out of your vehicle. Do call 911. “You never know what frame of mind the other driver is in and whether they might have a weapon. Trying to protect your ego if someone is disrespecting you could result in serious injury or death and is in no way worth the risk,” Dunn wrote in an e-mail.
Dunn said people who commit road rage would not likely acknowledge they have an emotional problem so there is little they could do to address their own issue.
Dunn offered a couple of suggestions for anyone who regularly gets near the road rage point: Leave early to not feel stressed; Get plenty of sleep as research has shown a connection between lack of sleep and road rage and to pull over if you know your blood is boiling before you do something you will regret.
Carlton Wilson, a long time local NRA instructor, said shooting from a car at another car is “hugely, hugely” dangerous. He said that should be recognizable by all responsible gunowners. Futhermore, Wilson pointed out that when a bullet hits a car, even if the shooter didn’t mean to kill anyone, fragments of the bullet, metal and glass go flying inside, any of which could be deadly.
Anyone who has ever gone ballistic on the road might want to think about the words of the person who called 911 in Arkansas last month, “This little kid’s been shot.”
Getting even with that guy who cut you off isn’t worth the consequences.