By Vicki Roberts,Jasper Life Coach
Do you find yourself fighting with your spouse, children or other people and not getting a good result? First, let me say that if you find yourself fighting on a routine basis with anyone, a life coach can almost certainly help. If you are thinking about getting married, it's a great idea to see a life coach to learn how to fight from the beginning. But, if you just need a few quick tips, these may help.
• Don't yell. People will automatically become defensive if you are yelling at them. Speak in a normal tone of voice and even if you are upset, don't yell or scream.
• Try not to start a sentence with "You." For instance, rather than "You are such a jerk, you always take my car and leave it on empty. try, "I feel" (find a descriptive word for what you are feeling such as frustrated or stressed out ) when I get in my car to go to work and see that I have to stop and get gas."
• Remember, you can't UNSAY anything. Think of the old adage, "Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me?” It’s actually wrong; Words can hurt. If you are about to say something hurtful, think about how the person you say things to will likely remember them long after they are said and you can never take them back. This is even more important when speaking to a child.
• Fight in private. If you are having an argument with a spouse or partner, don't do it in front of the kids or friends. Keep it between just the two of you. If you are in public or with other people, wait until you are alone before having a discussion that is not meant for little or any other ears. Likewise, if it's your child you are angry with, don't embarrass them in front of their friends or other family members.
• Put yourself in the other person's shoes. Before you respond to the person you are arguing with, try and see things from their perspective. All of us are selfish at times. or just plain clueless as to how our actions or behavior affects others. Try not to automatically defend yourself. Give yourself some time to imagine how you would feel in the other person's shoes.
• Brainstorm together for a solution. People are normally must more invested in solving a problem if they are involved in coming up with a solution.
The most important thing is to REALLY listen. Have an open mind. Don't interrupt and hear them out. If when you are responding they interrupt you, you can remind them that you listened until they were finished and you would appreciate the same courtesy.